


Aftermath

by Anonymous



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-03 06:13:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14562627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: A bit of despair post TSbyBS set in an alternate universe.  I think this is more of a "mood" than emotion bit of prose.  A little longer than 500 words.





	Aftermath

He didn't know how long he drove, or where, exactly, he'd been heading, but when Blair finally pulled the Volvo off the highway and parked at a scenic overlook, he found himself over halfway to Canada. Getting out of the car, he tugged his leather jacket tightly around him as the chill sea wind blew over him. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, and walked down the rough path to the edge of the rocky cliff. A short stone barrier was all that separated him from the steep drop to the ocean below. 

He peered over, watching the waves break and foam against the jagged rocks. His fear of heights raised its ugly head, and he felt his chest tightening, his breathing quickening. Suddenly he was furious at his own shortcomings. _Fuck this!_ He threw one leg over the wall, sitting astride it for a moment, then brought the other leg over as well. Now, nothing kept him from tumbling to the breakers below but balance. 

Blair stared out toward the horizon, forcing himself to breathe evenly, to pretend he was sitting on the sofa at the loft where there was a solid hardwood floor under his feet and not just air. Slowly, slowly, he felt his muscles relax. Finally, he felt comfortable enough to look around. He had to admit the view was spectacular. 

Black slate cliffs rose straight up a hundred feet from the sea, forming a semi-circular inlet probably a mile across. It would have made a nice little cove, if the uneven rocks and the lack of any kind of shoreline hadn't made it too dangerous for boats. 

Toward the southern tip of the inlet, a lighthouse rose from a stone promontory. With a shock, he realized just exactly where he was. A villain had held Jim prisoner in that same lighthouse over eight months before. Memories of that tumultuous time came flooding back. Another sentinel had just moved in across the hall, and Jim had taken an instant dislike to her. He had been reacting to her dormant abilities, and Ellison's anger had increased when he thought Blair had lied to him about what she was. It had almost been Alex Barnes all over again. 

But things had worked out for the best all around. Or had they? 

An ex-spy and the games she'd played had driven another wedge between sentinel and guide. Once again, Blair found himself having to defend his actions to Jim. The pattern had repeated itself with the dissertation mess. In order to repair the damage this time, Blair had paid with his career. 

_Whoa. Heavy thoughts, those._ Might be a good idea if his feet were on solid ground for that kind of reflecting. Blair swung his legs back over the wall and hopped to the ground. He walked back up the trail to the Volvo, and leaned against the hood. Rubbing his hand over his face, he wiped away wind-formed tears. 

_Jesus, Sandburg! Get a grip! Stop thinking with your fears and start using your head. What do *you* want?_ That was an easy question to answer. He wanted those initials after his name. Blair Sandburg, Ph.D. But that was never going to happen, not now. _So? You got along for fifteen years without those initials. You don't need them._

Instead of cheering him up, his self pep talk depressed him even more. Who was he kidding? He was a perpetual student. He didn't know how to be anything else, how to live without the safety net of academia. It had always been there, always. Even when he'd been on expeditions, or working summer jobs, it had always loomed at the end of whatever he'd been doing, a comfortable niche to come home to. Everything else had been part-time, even his observer status with the PD. When things would get too crazy there, he knew he could always bury himself in books, and research, and grading papers. 

Now there was just this amorphous **nothing** stretching out in front of him. For the first time in a very long time, Blair was frightened of what the future might bring. 


End file.
